When everyone is getting married…….

………except you

There is the tendency for you to be depressed and feel sorry for yourself when it seems like you’re the only one amongst your mates who hasn’t hitched a man

Getting married is most women’s ultimate dream but sometimes it doesn’t happen when you want it to. It could be that you haven’t met that great man. Yet, all your friends, colleagues and age mates have been whisked off to the altar by the “perfect man.” And here you are, still single and definitely not eighteen. Everyone’s asking when they are going to tie gele and eat rice or cake. All you ever hear at weddings these days is “A se ti e na o!” Of course, you don’t hate the prayer; you’re just tired of hearing it and seeing the look of pity that sometimes comes with it. Then you become obsessed with the thought of getting married, except that it still won’t happen – at least, not how you want it to, for obvious reasons. Remember how they say desperate people make mistakes? Yea, well…so you won’t force it. It has to happen some day, right? But until it does, what do you do? Sulk, no? Maybe sulking seems like the easiest thing to do but it certainly isn’t productive. You can’t sit around and put your life on hold because you’re waiting for that happy ending. You should lead a happy life even as you hope to hitch your prince charming. True, it seems easier said than done, but here are five tips I’ve come up with that can help you lead that life.

Work on yourself
There is the tendency for you to be depressed and feel sorry for yourself when it seems like you’re the only one amongst your mates who hasn’t hitched a man. But who says you have to hitch a man right now? Besides, moping around all day in your pyjamas because of a failed relationship or because you haven’t met the right man couldn’t possibly make you feel better. That you haven’t met him yet does not mean you’ll never meet him. So till then, are you going to sit around waiting for him? Certainly not! You don’t want a liability in your life, do you? Then by all means, don’t be one, so none of that self pity and all of getting busy. Work hard at your career, make a name for yourself, start a business, pursue your dreams, polish your talents, buy a car if you can afford it, get a second or a third degree. There’s so much you can and should do. When you finally meet the man of your dreams, he’ll respect you for it. No man wants a liability these days so work hard to make your own money and then when he speaks, una go get mouth to talk also.

And oh! while you’re at it, don’t forget to work on your physical appearance. No, it’s not about placing emphasis on how you look but on how you want to be judged. If you look scruffy and unkempt half the time people meet you, chances are, they won’t be too keen on meeting you again. Besides, you also want to look and stay healthy, so hit that gym if you can, exercise regularly, take enough water and fruits, take care of your hair, skin and nails, and of course, your breath. Nothing turns a man off like bad breath.

Don’t be anxious
It’s quite normal to be anxious. Of course, you’re human and your biological clock is ticking. Your friend, Halima, who was one of the “baddest” girls in school, is now married with two kids, she’s about to have her third and you, who never hurt a fly, are still single and desperately searching. Now tell me, why shouldn’t you be worried? But the key is, stop worrying. No amount of worrying would fetch you a husband, so you might as well stop. Be happy for your friends, attend their weddings, give them gifts, and smile all the time. Just be happy! It might not be so easy but try it; it’s a lot of fun being happy. Remember this when next you feel the urge to be angry, angry at the world for getting so perfectly by while you’re left alone with all the worries. It truly is fun being happy. There’s hardly a man who would approach a woman with a perpetual scowl on her face. You’re not carrying the world’s burdens on your shoulders, you just haven’t met the right man.

Be Sociable
I haven’t heard of the woman who sat at home all day and had her husband dropped in her lap from up above. If you are someone whose social life does not exceed lounging in front of the television and you think you will meet the man of your dreams, then I’m sorry to burst your bubbles, you’ve certainly got another think coming – except of course, he materializes from the TV right into your sitting room. Babe, you’ve got to have a social life. I don’t mean never ending parties or clubbing. It could be weddings or school reunions. You never can tell who you would meet there. For all you know, you could meet an old male friend and start a romance that could lead to marriage. But take care not to dwell too much on meeting a man when you go out or you’d just end up spoiling the fun for yourself.

Be classy, not choosy
When I was eighteen or so, I had unending lists of qualities my future husband had to possess. Now that I’m much older, my thinking is different. I don’t have such frivolous lists anymore but it doesn’t mean that there aren’t certain qualities I’m looking out for. Just not the kinds I was looking for when I was younger. So if you’re keeping a long list of qualities that a man has to possess before he even walks up to you, then zzzzzzz, that’s me sleeping, wake me when you get over yourself. No, don’t get me wrong, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a list, but be realistic. There’s a whole lot of difference between being classy and choosy. True, you shouldn’t settle for anyone below your standards but don’t be too picky or hard to please. The idea is; be principled, but not rigid. It doesn’t mean you’re settling for less, you’re just making your list more flexible. If you’re waiting for the perfect angel, then you might let something good pass you by. It’s not some romantic fantasy, it’s the real world.

Pray and have faith
Even if you’re not the most religious of persons, you have to admit that prayers do get answered. It’s also important that you have faith. My friend once told me that she wasn’t going to wait all these years only to settle for less. And I share her sentiments. Think about it, if all your friends, family, colleagues got married and you didn’t, but woke up one day and decided to settle for the nearest available man, wouldn’t all those years you spent waiting be a waste? Of course, it takes a lot of faith but you’ll be glad you had such when you finally meet that man.

If after all is said and done; and hitching a man still seems like moving to Venus, don’t sweat it. Marriage is wonderful but your life certainly does not depend on it. Don’t be so submerged in the stereotype “that a woman’s life begins and ends with marriage” that you forget about other fulfilling aspects of life. There is indeed a whole lot more that you’re yet to do. So get to it and stop sulking. When it is time, that man will walk right into your life.

Illustration: John Okosun